At 5’10 and 197 pounds, people would not normally automatically figure out that food seems to be the one thing in my life that I have difficulty controlling, but unfortunately it is. When I complain about needing to lose pounds, people will always say that I look fine. But what they don’t realize is that I see and feel it very differently and it is a struggle that many people share.
At my heaviest weight I was 213. When I look back at those pictures I wonder how I ever got there. Well, I know how I got there, I ate too much. The reality is if you eat more calories than you burn, then you gain weight. It is that simple. I guess the real question is, why is it so difficult to control?
Several years ago I joined a concierge doctor practice where I finally got a general practitioner that actually spent time with me. He helped me understand the relationship with food and set me on a plan. Not a diet plan, but a plan to limit my intake to just a certain number of calories a day. During that process I developed a love for running and ran every morning until I eventually did my first 5k. I managed to get down to 183, that was 30 pounds lighter than my heaviest weight and I felt great. However, eventually we decided to move from monthly visits to quarterly and then bi annual and once those visits and that support stopped, it was easy to fall back into my old ways.
I hurt my knee, so I couldn’t run anymore. I work from home, so food is always readily accessible. I like trying new restaurants. Fast food is easy for lunch. Can you start to see the excuses. I can be on my way to the store to buy a salad and wind up with fried chicken, potato chips and dip and of course an apple fritter for dessert. I will have just one Coke, that turns into three. Can you see a pattern?
Anyone who has ever struggled with their weight will relate to what I am writing about. Have you ever bought the bag of chips, eaten half of them, decided to throw the rest away and then pulled them out of the garbage and finished them off, while telling yourself if they are gone then you wont be able to eat anymore? How about having a freezer full of Nutrisystem readily available, but going for the egg salad sandwich, Fritos and donut instead? Been there, done that.
Part of recognizing an issue is being open and honest about it. Part of addressing it is admitting it to yourself. Sharing it often makes it real while hiding it allows us to continue a pattern that seems endless. When I was 183, I looked good, I felt good and my blood tests all returned to normal. It’s a place I fully intend to get to again.
I share this story with you today in hopes that if you are struggling that you know that you are not alone. I also share it with you because in doing so I no longer hide in my pantry. Over 17,000 followers of my blog now know the struggle, which means I can’t hide it any longer. It is no longer just my secret. I share my story because while we all want a better world for others, we also want a better world for ourselves.
I have written before about goals. When we achieve them we feel good. Achieving a goal is always a work in progress and it is one day at a time. I look forward to sharing my progress on this journey with you in the future. If you have similar struggles I hope that I have sparked something in you to take that initial step and then another and another, while moving forward just one day at a time. I hope that you also know that you are not alone. It is a struggle that many of us share.
Have a great day and remember to be the reason someone and YOU smile!
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